In Sum

Zayd & Zuri,
Today wasn't Mommy's most shiningest day. I play date gone bad -- Zayd, you have to work on your food sharing issues. A messy kitchen. A disheveled poop filled morning, which resulted in me feeling like I had a disheveled poop filled life. Me curling into fetal position ball, holding myself in the dark by 7PM.

I hollered a little too much. I complained a little too much. I got annoyed a little too much. I blamed your father a little to much.

Khalid came in happily with old Valentine's roses and chocolate. I quickly removed all joy from his spirit by fleeing from you two to begin my under the covers fetal positon pity fest. The Messenger of Allah, peace be unto him, said that even a smile is an act of charity. I always loved that hadith, because smiles are things that I readily love to give. Today however, I seriously didn't even have it in me. I should've though-- man, it's so easy to forget your blessings!!

At 2AM, I woke up to asses the damage. The house was spotless, the kids were asleep. Khalid too, downstairs in the safety of the guest bedroom. I woke him up. We smiled and laughed. I apologized, he apologized. As usual, he understood. I want to promise him that it won't happen again, but we both know that I'd be lying.

This job is HARD. I want so bad to do it perfectly, however unrealistic that is. At my lowest, I at least want to do it at the level of a state accredited day care -- eye contact, food on time, activities. I so don't want to fail you two -- you're the best things I've ever had..also, the most challenging.


Mommy is praying for some reliable and affordable help. You mother clearly needs some help. A lot more personal time. A few dates. A little quiet. Balance is always a good thing.

Khalid loves to show me how even at our worst, we always are able to look back and laugh. Here's to praying that this too, will be a laughable memory.

Today in bullet form:

* Messy house. Burnt pot. Hair that needs to be done.
* Crappy diapers. Group baths with a lot of "Zayd, stop kicking your sister!!"
* Zayd flashing his playmates with his baby man glory-- the doorbell rang while i was trying to wrangle in the second wet naked child. (That part was kinda funny).
* Zuri screaming... kinda the norm.
* Zad snatching his veggi nuggets from Keila & Jenna and screaming like a mad man while running towards the couch, bar b que sauce and all.
* Zayd hiding under the table greedily gobbling nuggets so he didn't have to share.
* Jenna going after Zayd for a nugget -- that little girl got heart.
* Keila looking at Zayd perplexed and confused-- she is so refined, masha'Allah.
* Zayd making a "train" on the rug with my craft supplies and some glue. Zuri participating in the "art".
* Me deciding that your father was the anti-Christ for.. yeah, just about everything.
* Me rolling my eyes at flowers and candy -- I'm so not a flowers candy chick, but I could've played it off at least....fine, I do like flowers... I prefer potted plants though.

Happy Moments:
* Baby Abiade here safely.
* Mama Abiade is healing.
* House clean. Didn't have to do it.
* Contacted and old professor from law school.
* Saw good friend and her sweet girls.
* Healthy family.
Alhamdullilah.


The moral of the story is:
Sometimes we receive clear signs in our life that we need to change up a few things. So yes, I hear You, loud and clear. Thank You for lessons learned. Also, group eating dos not work well for toddlers. Individual plates are a must.

Going to go eat my chocolate... don't want to be wasteful and all.