Serenity

Z- Team,
You two are sleeping. Daddy is cleaning the kitchen, with Zuri plastered to his back in the Ergo Baby. There is peace in the home. I'm playing a Clean Up Jam that I created on my Mac. It feels sooo good to listen to non - baby music. Actually, that's not all true -- we have an International Lullaby cd from the library that is beautiful. Aghh, James Blunt -- Beautiful is playing.

"My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel, of that I'm sure"


This moment is so good that I think I'll stop blogging and just fully enjoy it. Remember children, God is Good All the time. God is. God is. God is.

"You're Beautiful!!"

Confessions of a Blog Jacker

Zayd & Zuri,
Mommy jacked your blog. She's sorry, but she has a lot she needs to say---- don't blame her. She had a safe home waiting for her "other" thoughts all the while. No real such thing as other thoughts -- but for organizational sake.... fine, and for the three people who might only want to see pictures. all rest-- all 1.

5 followers...come on, you have to laugh at the irony... All others, please visit me here:

www.conceivabledreams.blogspot.com

Sakinah Circle, cont.

Zuri,
You are sleeping on the back of your father. Typical Mommy style, I took a picture, which I will, insha'Allah, load later. I slept on the back of my father, I don't remember, but this I know. Little girls should sleep on the backs of their fathers-- what a safe place to be.

Zuri, you are a child, and your home and your family should always be your safe place. I pray Allah that these things are true for you your whole life. I am trying, but there is no better effort than prayer and teaching you and your brother knowledge of The Creator. I am but a vessel for Him. The human body is but a vessel for the Spirit- a mother for her child.

I love my father. I love my father so much that I wonder if I am strange. He has been a constant friend, companion, supporter, safe place to go. We've had some of the most amazing experiences of our live's, together.

I love my husband. A husband is not a father. I soo learned that the hard way. A husband is, for all intensive purposes, a father in training. Guess who does the training -- ah haa, the wife. It's difficult, yet not impossible, to train a man to be a father, if he has yet to be a husband. There is wisdom in the saying of the elders.

I love Him. He who created mankind. I love Him the most. Or so I purport. I love Him the most, yet I mention Him last. My paradigm has to shift:

God
Husband
Father

Lol. OUR PARADIGM has to SHIFT. Love God! Love God! Love God! Then you'll really learn to love your husband -- then through the mercy of your Father, you will really learn to LOVE Him. Ohh, it's a circle-- not a Pyramid.

Death to the Ego!

Am I the only one who lives in the realm of backwards knowledge? Its like i insight fully figure out something, Alhamdullilah, then this same "original" thought is proofed by the works of another. Which is then ultimately proofed by the Quran.... Backwards Knowledge. I can't help but-after doing this oh so many times, conclude that this is, by far, this thing we call "life" -- this is a human condition. Not Jew, Christian, Muslim, Life Submitter -- this is The Human Condition. We all need You.. How we got so confused along the way, I do not know. I have so much i want to say abut Your Grandeur and Your Glory. (You know you are sprung when you can't help but think about something... all the time... and then some). I mean what am I supposed to do. The hiding it thing's not really my style -- ha, a, yes, You know.

Case in Point: Hi, I'm Azizah Ahmad, and I have a close, personal, and loving relationship with God. Oh, by the way, not only am I not perfect, I'm about as "statistically" as far away from His glory than one can humanly get..Did I mention to you that I'm a women also? A Black women. A Muslim woman? Fine, most people will likely be like - huh? My response, Google Two Words: Aminah Wadud.


You see. Oh yeah, You made.... You don't care?? Ohh, I see-- I don't think you care-- yeah, big difference.

Okay, let's try this time: (Dark room full of strangers -- Anon-esqe). Hi, I'm Azizah.... (pause for polite responds). I have been emptied out and retrained that this "God thing "was a far-off menacing entity that wanted to burn me in hell for major infractions like --- wait, damn near everything that occurred in my life. Yeah, that about sums it. Then, all of a sudden, He manifested His Glory to me ....... right. They are going to lock me up. You're cool with this? That's who You are? Riiiiggght, I don't even know you like that. Let me look at your card one more time:

YOU are:
The Majestic
The Compeller (clearly)
The Mighty
The Protector
The Guardian of Faith
The Source of Peace (amen)
The Holy
The Sovereign Lord (yeah, that's real swagger)
The Merciful
The Beneficient.....

Yeah, fine. I'll tell the world. I am sprung, punch drunk, head over heels, call-the-radio-station-and -dedicate-a-song-to YOU, sprung on YOU... do you like me?

Circle: Yes or No... I can't help it. You made me funny!!


I'm gonna get a tee shirt made -- Azizah loves GOD. Yeah-- a little too flashy for my taste, as you know.

Clean

There is a fierce wind blowing outside. The type of wind that encloses the very structure of your harm, warning you to beware.

I'd brave it if I had someplace in particular to go, but truthfully, no, not really.

Okay, there is Jummah Prayer, but wind, two kids, naptime--Yeah, no, not really. Only if Khalid is home, or I just get ultra desperate...can't say I[ve gotten that desperate yet, but watch me eat my words sooner than later. Thak you Allah for Lighthouse Mosque and their website. Virtual jummah , here we come.

So, what do you do on a day like this.

I want to clean. I want to clean my home; vacum, scrub, discard, organize, beautify. I want to burn incense and listen to Quran. I want to get a phone call or two -- i want to be my mother's child.

Zayd is going to help me. Baby Sistah has already decided that Friday isn't her day-- it's 9:13Am, mind you.

Here is to Nag Champa. Dust clothes. Good old bleach. And elbow grease.

Mood: 'Elington Was Not a Street' , Ntozake Shange
Kids; Zayd Oatmeal. Zuri-- screaming, just a rad-- kinda a mellow scream.

I Love You

I love YOU. I love YOU. I love YOU. I do. May my actions speak louder than my words, but May YOURS too.

On Parenting

Zayd, you are doing art. Zuri, you're abut to go into the Ergo so that I can accomplish some home task, insha'Allah. We're debating a winter walk, at least we'll hang out on the deck, insha'Allah.

It dawned on me today that what I want for you two is to witness an Islamic Revival. I too long for Andalusia. Mommy minute-- "Beautiful circle Zayd, ohh, I love it!!". Okay, back. I want a Muslim home filled with love, laughter, well loved visitors, not excess but comfort. Not Jennah, clearly, but the goodness of this world. I ask for it everyday in my du'a --"Oh Allah, I seek the goodness of this world and the hereafter".

Wow, what if-- I mean --- I'm supposed to and all. Yeah, I'm going to just --- can we say Yakeen (Certainty).

Oh Allah, guide my heart, my tongue, my words, my actions, my deeds. Let me praise You and exalt You in the best way that I can. The best of what you made me. I get it -- complicatingly simple. Alhamdulilah.